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Written By: Joshua Joseph
April 2002
As I sit
and think about my life,
It makes me
want to grab that knife
These drugs
have brought me to my low
Places I
thought I would never go
It was
those feelings I tried to hide
That made
me feel I had no inside
I thought
one bag was all I would need
But all I
did was plant a seed
Then it
went to 9 or 10
Brought me
right to hells den
I knew a
meeting was all I needed
But now my
plan was much defeated
Now that I
am on my death bed,
I wish I
would have listened to what my sponsor said.
As I start
my life over again
Eating
healthy go back to the gym
No more
trips to east New York
No more
trips to county court
I put on 10
pounds in the last two months
Stopped
smoking all those blunts
I haven’t
called in sick to work
If only, those
voices still didn’t lurk
But I’m
stronger than them I know I am
I’m going
to stay clean I know I can
I got my
complexion back again
And every
night I pick up a pen
To write
about the day that past
With these
meetings I know that this will last
Oh my God
what did I do
Now its
back to rehab, #22
I missed
that meeting just one day
Now look at
the price I have to pay
I lost my
family, friends, and soul,
And now my
life has no control
Now I’m
starting from day one
Thank God I
had put down that gun
When I said
this is gonna be the end
And I
wasn’t even my own friend
I know
there are good things in life
Happiness,
friendship, and even a wife
But drugs
always cut me short
And now I’m
back at County court.
The judge
gave me 25 to life
I think I will
go grab that knife.
Because I
don’t want to rot in jail
Now instead
I will rot in hell.
As I look
down from up above
And see all
these people full of love
All the
decisions that I regret
Too much
loss of self respect
This shit is real whether white or,
Black,
purple or blue,
So don’t
ever think it cant happen to you
I thought I
was smarter I thought I was cool.
But now
look who is really the fool.
I had so
much potential and there it went
I had not a
dollar not even a cent
Now its too
late to tell this to you
Who knew I
would die, nobody knew
I send to
y’all from up above
With all my
heart, soul and love.